It was a gloomy and a boring night, I had nothing to do so I just looked out of my bedroom window. There was an alley way, it was very dark. A man in a suit, with a briefcase walked down the alley way, suddenly the light in the ally flicked then it went out. Then the light turned on after 2 minutes, the man’s briefcase was ontop a pool of blood. I ran as fast as I could to my mum. I told her what happened, she didn’t believe so I took her to my bedroom window, but nothing was there no blood no briefcase, I was shocked. My mum wasn’t happy that I wasted her time so she walked out of her room. I looked at the window again, then blood splattered on the window.
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April 12, 2016 at 2:59 pm
THis complex sentence is your best: told her what happened, she didn’t believe so I took her to my bedroom window, but nothing was there no blood no briefcase, I was shocked.
It develops ideas and flows well.
1) Re-read and edit spelling – alley, for instance. USe a dictionary to help you.
2) Look at Roald Dahl’s opening sentence for any of the short stories we have read – compare this to your own – how does it differ?
3) Repeat activity two with a sentence that descibes a setting or character.